Mullets

The mullet – a.k.a, “the mud-flap” or “lesbian haircut no. 2.” The mullet is a favorite of both southern dykes and rednecks (or, scariest of all, southern redneck dykes). You can find a plethora of mullets at any NASCAR race, tractor pull, pig pickin’, county fair, 4-H club, Southern Baptist church revival, or mall below the Mason-Dixon line. Mullets are particularly popular in northern Georgia, western North Carolina, southern Virginia, and pretty much anywhere in Alabama, Kentucky, Tennessee, and West Virginia.

The mullet is not just a haircut, it’s a lifestyle. The sporter of the mullet doesn’t just drive a pickup truck, she drives the biggest, baddest pickup truck around. She wears muscle shirts and denim shorts, often paired with workboots. She smokes Marlboro Reds and chews tobacco. She wouldn’t be caught dead drinking a martini, but rather prefers her liquor in a can. She eats red meat (preferrably wild game or squirrel), eschews vegetables (unless they are fried beyond recognition and topped with gravy), and shits bricks. She does her own automotive work and plumbing, but doesn’t care for the “women’s work” of cooking, cleaning or laundry – perhaps explaining why many of these gals refer to their girlfriends as “the wife.”

There are many theories about why the mullet has such a stronghold on the southern dyke. Some speculate that “mullet-heads” are stuck in the twighlight zone between butch and femme. Others believe that these womyn think that as long as they have that long hair in the back, their families won’t know that they are lesbians – for those operating under the ever-prevalent “don’t ask, don’t tell” mode of southern family communications. Personally, I think that the mullet is so popular because it’s the easiest haircut for eating p**sy.